I spent a large period of the ten years gaining more knowledge and skills to add to my CV over the time that I have been in Edinburgh. In fact the whole thing doesn’t look bad at all if you take it as a whole. It is intriguing to see theatre practice, together with tv production, and radio production as well, with a sprinkling of multimedia stuff there as well.

The challenge has always been it is difficult to find any kind of career in the creative industries. My mental health has not been the best it could be, and this has slowed me up quite considerably in the work that I would like to do. I have tried my best through volunteering, but have learned that these ventures have not gained me much even in the way of respect.

It saddens me to think that there are organisations that rely on the work of volunteers and then treat them incredibly badly. Mainly this has been done by people who should know a lot better. I look back and think “Christ, how did these people get to where they are.” It is fascinating to see these people at work, as they have no idea of the kind of damage they have managed to do.

For instance I wrote to one person explaining his failings as the head of an organsiation, he replied in threatening terms.  His bile was incredible, and the more amazing thing was that he managed to carry other people with him. But he was no worse than someone who had been at the same organisation who managed to get the whole thing taken up by the press. This man still thinks he did nothing wrong, but for a few months he managed to make my life a misery.

So the thing is I have come to realise that if I didn’t have doubts of my own, then these jokers would be able to pile the doubt on. I am learning now that when it comes to opinions of achievement and worth you have to go with your own.

My suggestion is if you are running a volunteer based organisation, treat the people you work with like gold, and have an even hand in any of the dealings you have with them.

It has not always been easy and some of the time I have found that I have been uncomfortable with trying to work in the areas that I enjoy. A lot of them are not seen by people in the mainstream as work, including obviously members of my family.

I have not always had the strength to carry out the kind of projects that I would like to have done. My mind sometimes sabotages the kind of progress that I would like to make. I have relied on the good will of other people to help me along, and have been let down by that on a number of occasions.

Now that I am 43 I am looking at things with a fresh eye, and am thinking about how I don’t really need to lean on people to get my ideas out there anymore. I am coming to some kind of detente with myself regarding moving forward. I am trying to build faith in myself, and ignore the put downs of people who have been so down on me in the past.

I hope that the next few years will be productive and interesting.

There are of course pages and pages of nonsense being put out as well. I recently with my usual book buying gusto purchased some volumes for dummies about blogging just to see what they have to say about it all. I haven’t cracked the spines on any of them yet, but will do in the next week or so.

So why are you writing this entry at ten to five in the morning then Dave I hear you ask. Well I am curious as to how many people use blogging for health reasons. Having suffered from mental health issues now for twelve years, I am curious about other peoples experience with writing as a kind of self medication:

* Has anyone done it?

*Did it work?

*What form has the writing taken?

I would love to hear all opinions and experiences on this one.

Here’s what I propose. When you go to the shops this week, but an extra item for the Royal Couple. It doesnt matter what it is, I am sure that the capable staff at Buck Palace will be able to do wonders with a couple of eggs and a tin of beans. Send them on to the Palace and know that you will have eased the worries of that dear old pensioner as she scrapes together what little she has left of her millions to see her grandson wed.

I would imgaine that they will need a lot of paper plates and cups, to go along with the sausages and cheese on sticks. Perhaps a few bottles of buckfast will have the party go with a bit more of a swing, or some lovely onion cider. I am sure that there must be a piano or two in the old house one can have a knees up around.

So the list I have so far is:

Cheesy Poofs
Bacon flavoured crisps
Some shop brand beans (same Kwik save is not about anymore. I would have gone no frills)
A couple of pieces of fruit
A cheap but cheerful flan of some unknown filling

Then we could even save a bob or two for the tax payer, who seems to be footing the bill on this one. You never know it could well make for a more intimate and honest occasion, rather than the bread and circus type nonsense we are really set for.

A friend of mine had me writing a novel, and I had managed to get fifteen thousand words together before I started to misfire and back away from it. She was pushing me as she is aware of how over the past few years I have been unable to complete things. It is like some kind of mental block that will not allow me to get through the barrier to the end of a project.

It was running on the lines of the Nanowrimo idea that happens in November. If you are not aware of this then google it and give it a look. Essentially you write every day for a month, and by the end of November you have a novel in your hands, or at least a first draft of a novel. It is meant to be done in a relaxed and calm way, but somehow I seem to start resisting about day fifteen to twenty.

I have the part of the book I have now done still so that is a good thing. Perhaps I should look at writing short stories instead for the time being.

I have however now met people who go completly against that ideal. Who are more concerned with their own self agrandisement than anything else. They manage to turn the good things that they are involved with into shit. It’s like a kind of Midas in reverse type thing.

They lie, cheat and make other people feel as if they are inferior. The amazing part is that these people always feel that they are right to take the kinds of action that they do. They stamp on the feelings of others, claim the work of others as their own, and generally dismiss anyone who does not agree with their agenda.

In the past few years, I have met more of these people than I thought I would in a whole lifetime. The amazing part is that these people are actively assisted by the powers that be. They are propped up by a strange system that doesn’t even seen when things are going badly wrong.

My advice is if you even think people are like the above then really stay away from them. Don’t let them get their hooks into you as they never let go til their prey is dead.

A friend of mine carried out a French diet which is called the Dukan diet. I have the book in a bag in the hallway and haven’t taken it out to look at yet. I shall probably do that this weekend. I have been told that the first part of the diet is actually quite tough to follow, but then again I am a little bit more motivated than ever before.

It’s looking like I will have to start taking trips to the gymn as well so that I can get some more exercise to go with my daily walk. Fingers crossed that I can get the weight off over a period of a year or so.

I know that there are a fair few youngsters in there, but there are some of the most energetic mature folks in there as well. Several of them being in their sixties and at least one in his seventies. Is this a trait that is set to continue and become even more prevalent in the future? As the action heroes from the eighties get older will they carry on with their gun totting, one live deliver and bad guy bashing for many many more years?

Will Dirty Harry be asking punks if they are lucky into his Eighties? Will John Maclean have to fight off aged terrorists in the old folks home? Will Sly and Arnie be sharing their cod liver oil tablets as they face the forces of true badness?

I really do hope so:)

Here’s a link to a story about the award they won for this particular beer, which I thoroughly enjoyed.

Click here

There seem to be a number of these things that can be put into place for various jobs. I even have a counter on the front page, which I suppose is equivalent to having a bouncer on the door of a club counting people in.

“If your names not on the list you ain’t getting in”

Maybe I have taken that analogy a little too far:)